I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
