just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
