RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I forget how to act sober
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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