i think my tv is drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
