hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
