He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
