i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
