remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
