It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
