I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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