I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
