dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
