DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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