I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
