when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
