i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
