You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
