I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
