Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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