Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
