Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
