paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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