Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
