if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize