It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
