I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize