maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
