somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
