I want to stick my p in your. b.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
