I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
