no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
