pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
