Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
