I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad