You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!