I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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