Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
