You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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