jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
