becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
