she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
