That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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