I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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