I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
