I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize