happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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