All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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