I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
