Yo dont text me then not text me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
