I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives