Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
