Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
