like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
