thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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