yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
