That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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