I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
