So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
