My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
