My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
