You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
