In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
