I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
