You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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