Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
