But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
