Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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