someone get that fucking seahorse.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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