I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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