Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
