I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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