I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize