I'm drive I can fine osifer
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
