Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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