Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize