dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
