guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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