yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
