i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
