i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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