I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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