um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
