we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
